So I've had Google ads on my site now for over a year and I just now found out that one of the requirements is to have a privacy policy on your site. Whoops...
Well, if I have to write this and you have to read this, might as well make it interesting...
Cookies are yummy treats. Chocolate chip are my favorite. Peanut blossoms are pretty good too. But apparently there's another type of cookie - Internet cookies. I don't know why they're called cookies. They don't taste like real cookies. I've tried one. I couldn't get past the first byte. But anyway, if you're wondering what Internet cookies really are, you're not alone. Or maybe you are alone. I don't know. I can't see you. If I could, that would surely be an invasion of privacy, and we don't want that.
The short version is, cookies store information about you and sites you visit. Google wants me to tell you that they and other "third party vendors" use cookies to show you ads based on your previous visits to my site. Who are these "third party vendors"? Why was I not invited to this party? What happened to the first and second parties? Why was I not invited to these parties either? And what are these vendors selling? Probably cookies, I would assume? Oh, the vendors are just other companies selling ad space? Fair enough.
Next, Google would like me to tell you about the DART cookie that they use. Why would anyone want to throw darts at a cookie? That would just mess up a good cookie. I guess it would become a Swiss cookie. (Get it? Swiss? Swiss cheese? Holes? Never mind.) Actually, Google and their partners use the DART cookie to give you relevant ads based on what you do on my site and other sites across the web. That sounds a lot more useful than throwing darts at snickerdoodles.
If you don't want to risk injury from all the virtual darts flying around, you can opt out of allowing the DART cookie to be used. That can be done through a page at the Google.
Googs (a nickname Google allows its closest friends to call it) wants me to inform you of any third party vendors that are displaying ads on my site. Well, I was so distracted trying to figure out why I never heard about the first two parties that I missed the details on the third one. In other words, I'm not completely sure if third party ads are showing up on my site. If you get invited to this party, let me know if you see any ads hanging out there and I can update this page accordingly. If you want to opt out of the cookies for these third party ads that may or may not actually exist, you can check out the Network Advertising Initiative site.
Here is a list of vendors that may or may not be displaying ads on my site. This will probably be useful to absolutely no one, but I want to be thorough...I don't want to risk losing my good friendship with Google and my privilege of being able to call it Googs. And the money's nice too.
And here is the Big G's privacy policy. It might apply to my site; it might not. Your homework is to read it and let me know if it does.
Wow, that ended up being so corny that it might not have been any easier to read than a regular privacy policy. Oh well, I tried. Enjoy the site and enjoy the ads. Ah, who am I kidding - no one enjoys ads.
If you have any comments or questions (such as "Why?" or "Seriously?" or "How much free time do you have?"), email me at pillowpc2001@verizon.net.
(Updated November 23, 2011)